Mother of Public High School Student

*All conversations published have gained the consent of speakers.

Xinyi Wang’s mother, Auntie Huang, was my mother’s junior high school classmate; their friendship lasted for nearly forty years. Born and raised in Shanghai, this caring aunt is one of the most gentle, amiable, and down-to-earth adults I have ever met. My mother transferred from a mountainous area in rural Guizhou to metropolitan Shanghai in the last year of middle school, stepping into a completely unfamiliar environment. Auntie Huang helped her integrate smoothly into Huang’s own friend group with the characteristic sincerity and enthusiasm of a Shanghai native. Both were only children, and they became sister figures to each other. The employment and life trajectories of the two of them were completely different in the past ten years, but their friendship was never interrupted, and they kept in constant contact after we moved to America. Her blessings and presence have accompanied my birth and growth.

After my two-week quarantine upon returning to China, I contacted her for an interview. She responded very warmly, agreeing and asking me to stay with her family for a few days. We met up in a small coffee shop she found while waiting for Xinyi’s two-hour math class to end.

“Auntie, do you often wait for Xinyi alone in cafes like this? For hours?”

“Yes, it’s normal. It saves you from coming and going, and I don’t worry about her riding a bicycle. My motorcycle is much more convenient and faster than taking a taxi. I can squeeze in a little time to take you and her there later to have a bowl of scallion oil noodles, beef vermicelli soup, and steamed dumplings. You two will love it. My favorite thing when you and your mother were young was to share a bowl of small wontons and a serving of steamed buns every month. Your generation is so happy now: you can eat whatever you want, and the parents will be happy as long as you eat enough.” Xinyi’s mother loved reminiscing about the past and comparing us to them during their high school days. Her caring personality and foodie nature steer her to make sure we’re well-fed. 

Smiling, I asked, “Is the content Xinyi learns in high school the same as yours? Do you think the content you learned at that time is helpful for you in integrating into society now?”

“To be honest, the general direction is identical. When I was a kid, we also learned mathematics, physics, chemistry, biology, history, geography, and politics, and the basic subjects were still Chinese and English. But now everything is much more difficult than ours was. So difficult! Almost all of you are omnipotent in all these subjects. Everyone has to understand the concepts deeply and do a lot of repetitive exercises. I also wonder how every child can hold so much knowledge; any child of your generation would be a top student in our time. Oh! Cram schools didn’t exist either. Everyone studied the same in-class materials, relying on memory and understanding. Your mother, a top student, just took advantage of her memory. Yet, for both generations, all those memorized subjects are thrown away after memorization. Many things are learned and never used later. Still, there is no way other than this route to succeed because good companies only take those attending good undergraduate schools, and the only way into these schools is the college entrance exam. Alas, sometimes I think it is really unfair to only look at the last college entrance examination results as the determining factor of all your efforts.”

Having been through a similar system myself, I was saddened. “Xinyi has little time for activities, entertainment, and making friends. I remember she used to draw very well, yet now stopped painting. Do you feel a little regretful?”

“It’s impossible to say no to that. Xinyi loves painting very much. She has persisted in training for many years since she was a child. The teachers praised her for her talent, but it would be a pity to spend time on painting if she didn’t go the art major route. She had no time to paint if she had to finish her academic work all day! Finding an art-related job in the future will be too hard and unstable, and it will be even more difficult to take the road of art than academics. The children are really pitiful now. During our time, we could play together after class, chat outside in the summer, and take long group strolls. Even if I had to walk half an hour with your mother to get a bowl of sweetened ice, I was still delighted by being able to spend time with friends. The time saved by children nowadays is spent on attending extra academic lessons and doing problems. Even if they are on vacation, their schedules are all full. They don’t do sports at all: exercising is done only so they can pass the scarce requirements of the college entrance exam. Xinyi makes sure to practice once a week. Otherwise, she doesn’t exercise at all. People are very weak: their bodies are bent, and they’re almost all short-sighted. Children’s health is much better in foreign countries, right? Friends... Well, Xinyi and her little bunch can only chat on the phone and WeChat and occasionally meet up for dinner or watch a movie during a holiday. It is not easy for us to get together when we are swamped.” Looking out the window, Xinyi’s mother looked slightly dazed after her long speech. She took a sip of the juice in the glass. I’m heartbroken when I think of the struggle other children in the system face because of the examination rules.

“Don’t you want Xinyi to go abroad to broaden her horizons? Have you considered sending her to an international or bilingual school? Her English will improve, and she will be exposed to more Western thoughts, cultures, and concepts.”

“Of course I have considered it! I have communicated with your mother about the matter many times. I’ve also been observing the children in bilingual international schools around me. The good thing is that they are more open-minded and free. The bad thing is that these schools don’t have as many rules, and children become less obedient. Once you embark on this path, you will have no chance to return to the domestic system, as you will fall behind on all the memorization. You can only go abroad as one of these children, so we are still hesitant. Nonetheless, my family wanted to allow Xinyi to try out international school. We took Xinyi and her grandparents to travel abroad twice during last summer vacation, each for more than ten days. Overall, Xinyi felt that the surroundings were novel but didn’t have a fervent desire to study abroad. I was not used to foreign environments either, and I wanted to keep her close to me. Staying in China is a decision made by both sides; we generally respect her. After all, an ordinary family like ours is still very cautious in making changes and decisions.” Xinyi’s mother’s voice gradually lowered, and she hesitated a little during her speech.

The phone’s alarm rang, and it was time for Xinyi to finish class. Her eyes lit up at the prospect of seeing her daughter. She exclaimed enthusiastically, “Let’s go and pick up Xinyi for lunch. There is an English grammar class she needs to run to in the afternoon, which she has just started. The teacher is well-known, and I have been trying to get Xinyi into this summer cram school for a long time. He guarantees results!” Xinyi’s mother smiled, and her voice instantly resounded loudly throughout her body. It seemed to be a lot mentally easier when she had a definite floating log to hold on to in this sea of academic frenzy.

What I see is a middle-aged mother who is doing her best for her child and struggling on the road of life. Like my parents and tens of thousands of parents, they accompany their children on the latter’s life paths with their cognition of the world. They try to support their kids as best as they can under the stressful policies of the college examination system, and I have nothing but respect for everyone who is still trying.